Filed under: Elective Mutism, Selective Mutism, Shy, anxiety, self healing, shyness | Tags: anxiety, Elective Mutism, family, Selective Mutism, selective mutism advice for teachers, self healing, shyness
I have seen recently searches to get to my blog, the search string is ” selective mutism disorder blog”. My concern is the word disorder, puts such a negative outcome adn on the present condition and what that means to others. Selective mutism may be a condition, but not a disorder to me, this tags it as something bad and wrong. It is not and it just is happening to many children, including my son who overcame the condition. I am not sure this is the best way to phrase it.
Perhaps unenlightened doctors or teachers think of it that way and it may be the correct medical term, but I don’t like the labeling. I am sure a parent would not. It is happening to their child and they desperately want to find a way to have it get resolved, to getcured or what ever it takes to make this condition go away.
Disorder places these children with lower learning students and this is not the case, they are most likely highly gifted. If kept, placed or trapped in the system, they will loose their edge. Yes it is harder to teach and interact, but never give up, do not allow them to be placed in lower learning and behavioural classroom and do not allow this labeling of Selective Mutism.
Filed under: Elective Mutism, Mute, Selective Mutism, Shy, alternative medicine, anxiety, family, health, self healing, shyness | Tags: delayed speach, family, generation rescue, health, inflexibility with transitions, lack of eye contact, selective mustim, self healing, shyness
I did look today at the Generation Rescue web site to see what other info could be learned. I was stunned to see the passage below that was on their web site for Generationrescue.org. As I read, I could check all of the things listed, and that I had chronicled in my blog that I saw and experienced with my son with selective mutism. I have underlined them below. This info below was written for autism, but all of them applied to my son with selective mustism. I really do not know why this would be the case, but it is. I will keep searching for answers.
Was there a detoxofication of my child that I was doing and not aware that it was of benefit. I was very focused on this diet at that time, since I felt there may be a connection. I had at the time had the homeopath rule out mercury or metals. He did have him add flax oils to his diet. Perhaps the pieces came together by accident?
This is a quote from Generationrescue.org:
| Treatment: What’s Biomedical Treatment? |
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| Childhood Neurological Disorders (NDs) are typically diagnosed by professionals with psychology and psychiatry backgrounds. Parents are often told that their children’s diagnosis is the result of genes and is psychological in nature. Typical “psychological” manifestations of these NDs in children may include delayed speech, lack of eye contact, impaired or non-present social skills, shyness, perseverative behavior (doing the same thing repeatedly), delayed gross or fine motor skills, sensory integration issues (sound and touch sensitivity, etc.), not responding to one’s name, inflexibility with transitions, and major, often unexplained, changes in mood. |
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| Yet, the physical or medical issues that our children often share are rarely noted or discussed. Typical physical manifestations of children with NDs may include food allergies and eczema, general gastrointestinal distress, constipation and diarrhea, yeast overgrowth, immune system disregulation, and sleep disturbances. Typically, proper testing would also reveal high levels of environmental toxins relative to neurotypical children. |
Filed under: Elective Mutism, Mute, Selective Mutism, Shy, alternative medicine, anxiety, family, health, self healing, shyness | Tags: anxiety, family, Selective Mutism, self healing, shyness, tourette syndrome, vacines
There are so many unanswered questions in my mind, Was there a link or a tie between him later developing mild tourette syndrome and his earlier experience with selective mustim? I still think that ground zero for us was the immunizations and vaccines with mercury he was given at a year old and his change in behavior once having the shot and the then lack of eye contact.
Even though the doctors said there was no tie at that time, I still think there was and that time will tell. That from that time on some sort of receptors did not develop in his brain that should of due to the shots.
The idea that the three are threaded together or some how tied as apposed to three separate issues. No one seems to have an answer or they are too afraid to look fearing law suits.
Filed under: Elective Mutism, Mute, Selective Mutism, Shy, alternative medicine, anxiety, family, health, self healing, shyness | Tags: family, health, Selective Mutism, self healing, Shy, shyness
In adding value to this blog I decided to visit my local Barnes and Nobels to see what books to add and recommend on selective mutism. There was a big table with Autism books and Autism awareness month. I thought great, they will have books to look at on this topic. When I could not find any, I asked and was told they had one. When he brought it to me, I realized that it was a fictional story that one of the characters had the disorder. No help.
I then went to look at the autism section and looked at different books. There were books on what it is, books for children, books on group activities. It was mass merchandising of autism on a large scale. I hope it gets the word out and their message spreads.
So I do not have any recommended books, first person or clinical at this point to add as resources to this blog. I will have to add them as I find them at a later date.
But it did show me that disorders are now big business. Book deals are make on them, people must be buying them, other wise they would not be available. So in the mean time, my blog is chronological. Start at the first entry and read up and you will get the full story and all the paths we took and the successful outcome we had with our son who had selective mutism.
Filed under: Elective Mutism, Mute, Selective Mutism, Shy, alternative medicine, anxiety, family, health, self healing, shyness | Tags: anxiety, elective mustim, family, health, Selective Mutism, self healing, Shy, shyness
If there was an area that we should of done better, it would be with his teachers. They experienced first hand the condition of selective mutism and even after it has been diagnosed, they did not know what to do for it. They wanted to help and were not trained how. How to help? None of us knew.
They did try, but all were within the speaking world teaching methods, which I feel are not effective. They tried various methods like flash cards, did not work for my son. They tried incentives of candy and treats, no go. We sent others into the class room to observe. No help. Came for home visits, he did not speak to her at home. We video taped it in hopes that if he saw himself it might do something. Ditto, no change.
The question is DO SOMETHING, or is it better than ignore it? For months we ignored it at the school level, working on an outside solutions. We were ill equipped to work with his teachers. I learned over many years to be well prepared. Articles in a notebook to show the teachers it was an actual condition. I always did a meeting during the morning of the first day of school. I would show up one hour early to introduce him and to talk about selective mutism and what to expect. Some of his teachers where very open and glad I had come by, others looked at it as a bother and something else they were going to have to deal within their classroom.
I could always spot those teachers since they asked about an aide. An aide??? He does not speak, he will do everything you ask except answer you or speak to you or the other students. He would not answer the aide, so what good would that do. Will you be in the class room, they would ask. I can be there as much as you like, but it will not make a difference. How can we mark his progress if he does not speak? You will have to find creative ways to interact with him.
I just did not have the words myself to describe selective mutism to them in all its aspects. Does he have behavioral issues? No. Can I or other children catch it? No. What caused it? Something in has brain is shut down in the school setting.
The questions were endless. I had very few answers that were in detail. Once the selective mutism had been resolved the conversation with the teachers were almost disbelieving that he had selective mutism. We wanted to make them the early warning system to pick up on any behavior that would indicate it was coming back. They would always report at the parent teacher meeting how well spoken he was and how smart he was. They said they would like him to participate more. More …. to us it was great that we were even having this discussion about more participation.
They were more concerned that he was finishing the school year ahead of the other children and wanted to move him ahead a grade or move him to another school for the top gifted children, They got a big resounding NO from us on both accounts. But that was the issue that would be the crux of the issues for grade 1-6. Once he has his voice back, how much change do we want him to have?
I learned a lot and if a child is one grade above the school level the school in not obligated to teach the child at their level. That is a sad fact in our school systems today. They just expand the strands of learning. Thus we had to choose in our minds between keeping in place and speaking and getting them to teach him at this level. I never thought we would have to make that choice.
What was the school was willing to do? To them he seemed fine and advanced, so they just want me to go away. We had come so far and I would not give up. So what was next?
Filed under: Elective Mutism, Mute, Selective Mutism, Shy, alternative medicine, anxiety, family, health, self healing, shyness | Tags: Elective Mutism, family, health, Selective Mutism, self healing, Shy, shyness
Just as the woman who I worked with missed the signs with her daughter, so did we. Even as an infant, my son would not make the same kind of eye contact that his older brother was doing at the same age. We talked about it and decided he just did not like to look or focus on our face, like his older brother did. He would look focus at us and then divert his eyes or turn away. When he a little older, he had a thrusting motion with his tongue, that became a clue to us when he was in preschool that he was anxious.
Thinking back, I should not have written off that simple turn of the head. It made us think he was shy. So for the first two years, we had already made assumptions about him, we should not of. We thought about perhaps he had sight or hearing issues and had those checked out.
He had the loudest cry and piercing scream as a baby. We use to say it made us sweat when he cried. Again reassured that it was just a different child than our first and not out of the norm.
I talked and compared with other mothers. It lead me down a path to accept as normal things that should of been the first signs of anxiety or selective mutism, when you look at them in total.
When the preschool teacher came to ask us how long he was developmentally delayed, it was a shock. We were clueless, we had missed the cues we saw to give us a hint of the things to come that he did not speak in school came as a total surprise. How did we miss it? He was not delayed at all, but when he was in school without speaking he was to them.
I write this blog as a way of helping other families that may starting on the same roads that we traveled. If it helps one other family, my time writing this will have been worth it.
Filed under: Elective Mutism, Mute, Selective Mutism, alternative medicine, anxiety, family, health, self healing | Tags: family, health, Selective Mutism, self healing, shyness
It was several years later at a company picnic when a little girl came up to me and I spoke to her,but she did not speak to me. I knew her mother from another department and with the interaction I had just had with the child and what the mother said I spotted it right away as selective mutism.
The mother told me not to bother that he daughter was shy and does not speak around strangers. When I asked if this was the case a school, she said yes. I then asked what the doctor said. She said she never mentioned it to him. I asked if she knew what is was and she said know what what is?
She had no idea that her child had selective mutism, I told her what I thought it was and asked her to go on the Internet and do research and bring it with her the next time she went to the doctors and to the teachers.
It was about a month later that she came by my office and told me she could not thank me enough. That indeed that is what it was for her daughter and that now that they all knew they were all working together on her selective mutism.
Sometimes, if you suspect it, tell the mother or the father. She went on to say they suspected something, but they were too afraid to address it. They just hoped it would go away or she would out grew it.
Filed under: Elective Mutism, Mute, Selective Mutism, Shy, alternative medicine, anxiety, family, health, self healing, shyness | Tags: family, health, overcoming selective mutism, Selective Mutism, self healing, Shy, shyness
I got a response to those reading the blog to remind those as I said in the beginning, that this blog is a chronicle of our families journey with my son who had selective mutism. It traces all the paths we took and all the things we did and the roads we tried to help him overcome this condition. Start at the beginning of the blog entries and read to current day to get the full picture.
He had the condition of selective mutism from 2 to 5 years of age. He is now 13 and has had no sign of the condition since age 5. Read the blog entry on the “If there was ever a time to say your sorry” and the one on “Glass breaking” to find out how we had a break through and he began to speak.
Today, he is the typical mouthy a teenager as you can get. And I love every word… to his friends, all the times he is on his cell phone talking, when he talks back to a teacher…. When he talks back to me.
He loves to bargain and haggle with merchants, he loves to give presentations. He is an old soul with a wonderful way with words. His gift now is truly his words. We say when he grows up, he will be a preacher or a teacher or the best lawyer.
On vacation he told us ‘This is too much paradise”… his friends call him “The voice of reason”. His voice and his words are a wonderful thing. You can read the blog in total from bottom to top at peermentor.wordpress.com I hope this news of our success gives other families just starting this journey hope and advice that it can have a great outcome, as hard as it seem going through it.
Filed under: Elective Mutism, Mute, Selective Mutism, Shy, alternative medicine, anxiety, family, health, self healing, shyness | Tags: alternative medicine, anxiety, Elective Mutism, family, Selective Mutism, self healing, Shy, shyness
Kindergarten first day was an anxious for us as it was for him.. Actually I think he did better. We spoke to the teacher on the first day, told her of the situation and asked that she tell him ahead of time what they would be doing, watch for any anxiousness on his part and crossed our fingers. Was the selective mustim gone or would it reappear in this new school setting?
The teacher said he was quiet, but did interact and did speak to her and to another child. Good news…day one. The school year progressed and he did very well, still very cautious and somewhat shy but he was speaking and interacting. The teacher was hoping for more interaction and participation, but with all that had gone on for the past 3 years we were thrilled.
One day his teacher called in sick and he had a set back, and was very upset, but other than that, the I’m Sorry stayed verbal and so did his words. When she returned so did the words.
He completed kindergarten with flying colors. My desire was to move him into an accelerated program for first grade that the school offered. He had not been accepted on the first round. I am not sure why, but he was not, so I asked his kindergarten teacher to keep and eye out and if an opening happened, we would want to put him in this learning family class. This would be a huge leap for him to come into his own. These were the brightest children in the school and the most aggressive and highly participatory parents. I hoped that this would be the next step in having him reach his full potential.
We knew he was bright, we just did not know if the pressure of setting the bar higher would make him soar or retreat into his world of selective mutism. As I have all along this journey, I wanted the best for him and for nothing to stand-in his way. Could I expect the same from him as I could from a child with out this condition?
Filed under: Elective Mutism, Mute, Selective Mutism, Shy, alternative medicine, anxiety, family, health, self healing, shyness | Tags: Elective Mutism, family, Selective Mutism, self healing, shyness
The school year started out with more anticipation than most. Would he speak? Would he not speak? Time would tell, if the selective mutism would morph into something else? We had given him the gift of a preschool red shirt year to find out.
The school bell rang out and so did his voice. It was just as though he had always spoken. He spoke to the children, to the teachers and even to us…at school!!!!. What a marvelous thing… we waited around to see if there would be any regression, shyness or blank face like in past years. None… OK Check… what is he doing? Did he head right for the play doe…..no…hum he was interacting with the children.?? What… interacting with the children. We were stunned. It was the light switch was on all he was totally different.
When we picked him up as school that day, we asked him how his day was? He said good, but the strangest thing.. All the kids followed me around all day in a big line? Why do you think they were doing that? They all wanted to see and hear me speak.
I smiled; it was as shocking for the children who knew him all these years to see him now speaking. They followed him around for days, like a great wise sage. There were some items that appeared over time in how he handled changed or new situtation that needed to be managed, but over all, it was so gratifying to have him speak, engaged, smiling and interacting with his teachers and his school mates.
His teachers was shocked at his language skills. They pulled me aside after the first day and said they needed to apologize to me. That I was right all along and that his was very very bright and articulate. They had now idea how advances his langue age skills really were. Since there were no tests that they gave that ever showed it.
The days turned to months and the months turned to more comfort that this was not a passing phase that would take him back to the other world of selective mutism? Or would it? Time would tell.
Filed under: Elective Mutism, Mute, Selective Mutism, Shy, alternative medicine, anxiety, family, health, self healing, shyness | Tags: Elective Mutism, family, Selective Mutism, self healing, Shy, shyness
The next morning was filled with anticipation, would he say I’m sorry again or would it be a one day exception. Would it effect positively effect his selective mutisms? We held our breath.
He came bounding down the stairs, had breakfast,… and spilled his milk. A typical morning with a 5 year old. Then the words, Mommy, I’m sorry, I’ll clean it up. My husband and I stood there stunned. What, he said it in such as normal tone, like he had spoken that word all along. From that day forward it was like a light switch had been turned on and that word Sorry was no longer an issue. Nor did he after time remember that he could not say the word Sorry. We once we realized he did not remember not speaking the word, we did not speak of it again, since we were afraid he might revert.
Preschool started next week, and the teachers had already begun to set up their room. We planned a visit to the school that week to see if it has any effect on his selective mutism. He had not spoken a word at the school for over three years.
We went into his last years teachers class room and she was so delighted to see him.. Oh,xxx how was your summer? She immediately answered; since she knew the drill. Oh I bet it was great.
He then said, Hi Miss R, I had a great summer. The teacher dropped to her knees, my husband and I cried. It was the words we had hoped for him to speak He looked at me as said, mommy what are you crying? We just could not believe our ears. Something happened when the glass broke that broke the silence.
I just sat their watching my son and his teacher on the floor, he was sitting on her lap and he was speaking full sentences to her. She reminded him about the butterfly key chain and that if he spoke she would give him more keys. She called it his key to speaking. She went to the draw and pulled out some more old keys and told him they where his. She later told us, she had practically given up and was going to give them away. My son still has those keys. It was a ground-breaking day.
But how long would it last, would he speak to the children in a new class this year. We waited for Monday for school to start overjoyed at the miraculous progress. Our selectively mute son had a break through of huge proportion.
Filed under: Elective Mutism, Mute, Selective Mutism, Shy, alternative medicine, anxiety, family, health, self healing, shyness | Tags: alternative medicine, Elective Mutism, health, selective mustim, self healing, Shy, shyness
My son looked shocked at what had happened. I calmly took him into the living room and started showing him the shards of glass and pieces of bowls. I told him if there was ever a day to say you’re sorry- this would be it. He started by spelling out S_O_R_R_Y, mommy, I know I should not have done that, mommy. His brother came in to find his clay art project that we so proudly displayed also in smashed pieces. He was not happy and his brother knew it. S-o-r-r-y , s-o-r-r-y, he spelled over and over again.
There was something in me that wanted to push the issue at this time. Perhaps if he would not speak at school, perhaps we could gain closure on the I’m sorry speak at home issue. I started by talking to him and telling him how sad I was, picking up the shards of glass and letting them fall through my hands. I kept calmly telling him that if there ever was a time to say you’re sorry this was it. An hour went on, we cried, discussed the incident, and discussed why he could not say he was sorry. This looked at though it was going to be another dead-end. My husband came in and said that I was pushing him too far and that I should stop and let it go. I did not.
Another hour went by and no progress, then just when I was about to give up… my son started to say something. In a very low tone, not in his own voice, it came out, slowly, I-I_mmmm, s-ooorrrreee in a very deep voice. What what did you say? I could hardly believe my ears; did I hear what I think I have just heard? M husband came into the room in time to hear him say again in this very deep voice and very slow as if it was difficult to get it out, I—mmmm Soorr–eee.
We were overjoyed. To hear I’m sorry, said in words, it what we had waited to hear for the past 3 and a half of his 5 years. There it was, he said it. We praised him, and asked him if he could say the same thing to his brother. His brother came in and this time he said, I’m Sorry, I broke your art project,…. it was clear and distinct now, in regular speech page and in his own voice and tone. He brother was amazed; hey mom, he said it, finally a break through.
If you ask me what I think happened, I think the trauma of breaking the crystal caused some connection in his brain to connect, that were disconnected. It was like a switch was finally connected and information was now flowing normally. But for how long, would this be a one-time event? Would it affect his selective mustim. It was late and tomorrow would tell us more.
Good night Mommy, I’m so sorry for breaking your things. It brought the biggest smile to my face in a long time. To me it was worth breaking everything we owned to have a day like that. The words I’m Sorry Mommy was a gift that was finally here.
Filed under: Elective Mutism, Mute, Selective Mutism, Shy, alternative medicine, anxiety, family, health | Tags: anxiety, Elective Mutism, family, health, Selective Mutism, Shy, shyness
It was a weekend and the house was a buzz with activity, family has come to visit, cousins for the kids to play with. The drill was to remind everyone, to be careful in the living room, since all my good crystal and such was on the coffee table and that this a no touch, no play zone.
It was something I had set up when the children were small to protect the nice pieces and still have them displayed and for the past 5 years it had worked well with my older son and my younger son just followed along and we never had an issue. I also felt it was important not to hide good things and have them around as they grew up.
There was a tiffany pitcher, decorative plate collected from a Japan trip, other gifts of crystal that was given to us at our wedding. All in all pretty pieces that each meant a lot. All family and friend knew that these were collected and prized. My sons knew to avoid and not play around these items.
The adults were in the kitchen talking and the children playing and chasing when all of a sudden the loudest crash and glass sounds, children screamed and ran to get us. We went rushing in to see my son laying near a very heavy glass table that was now flipped over and crushed and smashed every piece of china on the coffee table.
My first thoughts were of his safety, and he looked fine, but dazed. He had been chasing a cousin when he fell, hit the top of the glass coffee table, flipping it over and spilling all the pieces onto the floor, only then to be crushed by the glass coffee table now falling on it. Luckily when he put his hand on the table as he fell, he fell one way and the tabletop went the other.
Once all was found to be OK with my son and no one was hurt, the guests cleared out quickly. I think they knew it needed to be cleaned up and I did not want help. I knew at that moment that today was the day if I could ever get him to say the word sorry from his lips… today would be the day. This was something that he had never been able to do, even at home and was somehow tied to the selective mutism. What happened over the next two hours would change his and our lives forever.
Filed under: Elective Mutism, Mute, Selective Mutism, Shy, alternative medicine, anxiety, family, health | Tags: chiropractor, Selective Mutism, shyness, tourette syndrome
The cranial chiropractor visit was one we really debated about. Should we, should we not. My feelings were that we owe it to our son to go down as many paths and as many dead ends until we find a solution for this. So we agreed we woud go down this path next.
We already had tried looking at diet, watching what he ate, tried to get yeast out of his diet. This did nothing.
We did get the homeopath to say from his findings that he did not think it was from lead poisoning, or vaccine relatead from a vaccination, like is tied to autism.
Or was it somehow tied? We have tourette syndrome in our family, could it be tied to that? No one had the answers we were looking for. Each time we some it opened up more questions than solving anything.
Months have gone by and many thousands of dollars have been spent. He is not speaking at school and the teachers see no change. Just his love for play doe.. and a boy that will play next to him for hours and not mind one bit he does not speak with him. What a blessing that little boy was. A friend perhaps if we have him to the house they will speak.
I arranged a play date for next week and see the cranial chiropractor on my to do list for next week.
Filed under: Elective Mutism, Mute, Selective Mutism, Shy, alternative medicine, anxiety, family, health, self healing, shyness | Tags: alternative medicine, Elective Mutism, family, health, Selective Mutism, self healing, shyness
My voice is now partially back and perhaps that is the subject of today’s blog.
Since regular medicine was not working on my son with selective mutism, we started to look at Alternative Medicine Our journey out of regular medicine to hopefully find a path to his recovery. At least we hoped.
At first, it lead me to read a lot on the web site in what was known about the condition. We called and got an appointment with a homeopath who was very well referred. It again took 6 weeks to get an appointment. No insurance taken and cash paid We arrived not knowing what to expect. I was so hopeful, my husband was very hard headed and thought this path was going to be a bunch of crock. Perhaps we were both correct.
The waiting room was full and there was a room off to the side that seemed to be an area where the formulars for healing were being dispensed. Many would come to the window, they would mix up a special liquid, place it in a brown glass bottle and they would leave. Humm
We met Dr. B and he asked all the normal questions. After about 20 minutes, he said lead us to his work area and said, lets get started.
Get started, what did that mean? We went to a chair where he asked me to sit down and put clay beads around my neck. Placed a probe on my finger and asked me to hold my son. WHAT!!!
He explained that the beads would neutralize my energy and my sons energy would come through and he could register the voltage based on putting the probe in different bottles he had and come up with a diagnosis.
I was still hopeful, my husband had checked out mentally at this point. My husband looked at this a quackery, I looked at it as a chance we had to take. I was measured and tested and after 15 minutes asked us to join him in his office.
When we got in there, we asked him did he know of selective mutism. No… in my mind I said, a bad sign
He did accurately told us us our son had a respiratory issue and suggested for the selective mutism or unknown issues we were having with our son, the paths of regression hypnosis and cranial chiropractic. HUH.. What … regress my son back to a past life?… yes.. he said, or a head chiropractor. Yes correct.
What will that do? I think the plates covering his brain are pressing causing the issue. OK and who does this? A cranial chiropractor. I had never heard of such a thing.
He then gave us a whole bunch of info that was written on a paper bag and filled the bag with assorted herbs to try with this issue.
Since I did not want a child of 4 going to be regressed into a pass life of who knows what, we opted for the cranial chiropractor. It would be another 2 weeks until we could get in…
Filed under: Elective Mutism, Mute, Selective Mutism, Shy, family, health, shyness | Tags: Elective Mutism, family, health, selective mustism, shyness
Months went by and no progress. I thought we could wait him out. In fact we could not. So we tried some experiments. If he would not talk to children in class and would talk to neighbor children, if we invite the child to our house, would he speak to them? No.
OK, then lets try it at their house. No.
OK, lets try the teacher coming to our house. No.
But there was a small win, we took the teacher into the other room to talk to her and he must of thought she left. What do we hear and what does she hear for the first time. His voice! She was shocked and said, you were not kidding he is articulate. He speaks in full sentences. Yes, we told you that was the case. She said, I know, but I just did not understand the level was as high functioning as a 1st or second grader. I have never heard him speak a word. I didn’t know.
This made this teacher, Miss R, even more determined to get him to speak in class. She felt he was missing out on so much and so did we.
When we arrived in school the next day, she had a butterfly key chain with all sorts of old funky keys. She gave it to our son as a gift and said these are your keys to speaking. I give them to you to unlock your talking. She told him it was to be used when he wanted to speak. Just open the door of his mind with the key. It was a wonderful gift, one my son has to this day. I had such hope it would be just the key needed to open up his world.
Unfortunately, it did not open the door to his speech, nothing changed. The school year was winding down and we knew we could not send him to kindergarten this way. There must be more options. We must be more open. What the keys turned out to be were more of a symbol for us, to open our minds to the keys that may solve the silence.
We stopped going to the Dr. for the play dates which is what it had become. He was still spelling S.O.R.R.Y , but he had return to his bad, instead of sleeping on the floor at our bed.
Medicines must not be our only option, but yet what.. what is the next step? How blind we felt, going on gut and faith that we would find an answer.
Filed under: Elective Mutism, Mute, Selective Mutism, Shy, alternative medicine, anxiety, family, health | Tags: Elective Mutism, Selective Mutism, shyness
The verdict came back from the doctor, there was not trauma, no illness. But is was selective mutism. How do you cure it? How long would he have it? Would it just go away? None of these she could answer. It depends on the child. It may be anxiety and with play therapy it may clear up. There were a lot of May’s in our lives at that point.
So week after to week, we would come and he would draw, play games staged by the doctor. He would chat up a storm with her and she would tell us how bright he was. We would meet after to get a down load on what they did that day. I asked if she had spoken to the teacher and she indicated they kept missing each other. This went on for many weeks.
My husbands sister came to town and was finishing her masters in education and asked if she could go to the pre school and see it for herself. Since he chatted up a storm with her, she heard of it and wanted to see it for real. She came back amazed that this chatty kid would become another child when he entered the school. He would not speak to her or the teach or the students. She saw his lust for play doe. Perhaps he uses it to manage the stress? Perhaps he just liked it since he looked busy and did not have to interact with anyone. He looked withdrawn and passive. She took a few photos so she could show us what he looked like. The minute he left the building and got into her car his chatty self came back like a switch was turned on.
The doctor did say if play did not work then we need to look at a medicine for him to try…try.. I want givens not try. She indicted she wanted to put him on Prozac. When I asked what the medical protocol for a then 4 year old was she said there were none. it would be trial and error and it may or may not work. We said no thanks we will look for other alternatives. Plus has had a year before kindergarten and he would grow out of it before hand.
Filed under: Elective Mutism, Mute, Selective Mutism, Shy, alternative medicine, anxiety, family, health, self healing, shyness | Tags: Elective Mutism, family, health, Selective Mutism, self healing, shyness
The big day arrived and there we were going up the elevator near the local hospital to a Doctors office we had never been to. It was exciting and scary all at the same time. The waiting room was large and filled with toys. The parents sat and the children played. Well this look pretty normal to me, why is everyone else here? What would bring all these people to see a child physiologist? I was pondering it, when when a booming voice interrupted my inner voice with Mr and Mrs K , yes.. please come this way. We filled out the paper work, found out insurance did not pay and it was going to be over $250 for the first visit and $125 for each follow up.
We finally met Dr. E, she was well referred and seemed very dry. She asked a series of questions and asked us to explain what we were seeing. It sounded more like she was asking us if we were to blame, then hearing what we had to say.
She said, we will do tests and see if he has been abused? Abused?? No he is mute at school. He may have a medical condition such as brain tumour. No he is mute a school.
Have you ever dealt with this condition before Dr. E. Well I have only studied it and it is very rare. I saw it in a clinic when I was in my residency. What did you say… the woman was well in her 40’s, so 20 years ago.. my brain was about to burst.
More questions about my and my husband relationship…what does that have to do with it…his older brothers relationship, our relatives, his teachers. I was exhausted and still has not clear understanding of what was next. Next …. oh I will take your Son and do a series of test and drawings with him. You two go sit outside and leave him with me.
So we did, leave the little guy with the doc to have her do an evaluation. After it was over she returned him to us. Said said, do you know how bright he is? he is really of the charts and quite charming. He talks perfectly fine. I do not see the issue you are describing.
What… do I need to video tape it for you? I guess you will have to, since she thought we not representing the situation correctly. I jumped and and said, I will call the teacher, let her tell you what she sees. What you see and what she sees are two different children..
And thus the phone calls from teachers and us taking photos and videos to prove we where not crazy began. He still didn’t speak at school, but we where more convinced that we were not being believed.
The next meeting is in two weeks and I will give you my diagnosis. The spot light seemed more to shine on us as parents and not on the selective mutism that she could not see or find.
Filed under: Elective Mutism, Mute, Selective Mutism, Shy, alternative medicine, anxiety, family, health, shyness | Tags: Elective Mutism, family, health, Selective Mutism, self healing, Shy, shyness
Six months went by with no change at school, not a word. It was just the strangest thing. In the house playing with his brother or with friends, it was the son we knew. Chatty, happy and engaged. A far cry from what we were told and what we were not observing. A child in school so removed, so withdrawn, it would break my heart everyday.
I had thoughts that he was just stubborn and that it would pass, but as the months went on. We slowly began to ask our family members if this was something that was in the family that we did not know. Still having no idea that there was a name for this randomness. It was faceless, perplexing and as new parents, not prepared for.
It was an email from my Aunt B that gave us a direction and a course, or at least something to follow up on. It was an article describing things very similar to what we where seeing and experiencing with our son. They called it Selective Mutism or Elective Mutism. It described the silence or called it shy, it also said it was a form of anxiety and very rare.
OK … what we were expericenting with our son….it had a name Selective Mustism. but does he have it? How do we find someone to tell us if he has it? What is is and why does he have it?
The first place we turned was to his family doctor who gave us the name of a child phycologist and suggested we start there, since he had never heard of it. Something our Doctor has never heard of??? Something we did not know if is was short term or long term or life long?
We called the next day… an appt in 6 weeks. … 6 weeks.. I could not think to wait that long, but we did not know where else to turn. Would the new Doctor believe us? Would he talk with the doctor? He liked to talked to his own doctor. Which made it look like we were really over the top parents, since it was like your car with an engine ping, when you bring it in you cannot get it to do it in front of the technician. Since the Doctor saw a perfectly normal child who could speak, and I suspected he thought we as his parents where just too high strung.
So thanks to Aunt B and her Internet search the puzzle pieces fit. It felt good, if only for a moment. He was finishing up the year at preschool and still not a word, still blank in the face while there. How and if or should we send him next year to kindergarten? Is it better to send him next year… mute, or wait and sit him out until he can speak someday? Perhaps he would forget over the summer and just start talking? Perhaps he would never speak. I felt very alone.
No one else I knew had a child that was doing this. Why would he be different? Still not able to talk to the teacher or point to colors like all the other children. Not making friends except for one boy who did not care if he did not play with him or speak to him. The other children knew he was different. At a time when we did not want him to be different, he was. We wanted him to be normal and speak. He was not speaking in preschool and we would have to wait 6 long weeks to find out if this was what was happening.
Filed under: Elective Mutism, Mute, Selective Mutism, Shy, alternative medicine, anxiety, family, health, self healing, shyness | Tags: anxiety, Elective Mutism, family, health, Mute, Selective Mutism, self healing, Shy, shyness
After reading the People magazine on Selective Mutism and having a son who not only had the disorder but overcame it due to a particular event that I will tell you about that caused a break through.
He did not speak one word while at pre school. He is now 13, a champion speech contest winner, straight A honor student and very popular.
Thinking back, I only wish I had heard such news when we first found out that he did not speak at school when he was 3 to 5 and diagnosed with Selective Mutism which was also described as elective mutism.
I plan to cronical through this blog the many paths we took, the dead ends we were lead into and what ultimately happened to have the break through we hoped so badly for.
